Thou Shalt Not Claim

Priest: Hello my child
man: Forgive me father for I have sinned
Priest: (rubbing his hands) go on...
man: I slept with a woman who wasn't my wife and then I paid her £200...
Priest: yes...
man: and sometimes I like to strangulate myself whilst wearing women's stockings...
Priest: continue...
man: and I bought a 40 inch plasma screen TV for my constituency home and I claimed it back through Members Allowances...
Priest: (exhales in shock) ok...anything else?
man: well...
Priest: be strong my son...
man: well... the £200 for a prostitute was also claimed back through members allowances, written off as 'nannying services' but to be fair I did wear a bib and dummy...
Priest: Ok, you need to say 10 Hail Mary's and 5 how's your father's and publicly confess your sins...

This conversation may have taken place but I doubt many politicians would have the conscience to do that. My favourite thing about the whole of the member's allowances scandal is the bizarre political capital they are all trying to get from it. To start with, let's state one fact:

THEY'RE ONLY SORRY BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN FOUND OUT!

So many of them knew that they were manipulating a system to their own ends, fully understanding that the money was coming from tax payers. After the revelation, it is simply a case of saving face. The way the leaders have gone about it is hilarious. It is quite clear that they've sat down with their close advisors and thought how they can spin their way out of this one...and it is breathtaking what they've come up with:

"let's confess all our sins in one big rush, naming and shaming our worst offenders and then we can say how sorry we are about it all and what steps we will take to ensure that it doesn't happen again. The key point is, our way of doing this must seem to be more stringent than the other parties." I imagine this idea would be followed up my having members stand in elections with their expense receipts as their manisfesto.

The perceived result is that we look and them and think:

'wow, they are being so honest. I can't believe that they are actually naming people, real people with heads and legs, and saying what these real people scrounged off the state - but their so, so sorry about it. My perception of these people, nay this political party, has changed. I think I'll vote for them.'

The actual result is that we look on shaking our heads, galled that they think we'll swallow this big turd. Amazingly they think it's all about sums of money and items but it's much more than that, it's about what politicians consider reasonable and ultimately our trust in them.

What, I imagine, most people are shocked by is how out of touch many politicians seem. Would you willingly put the future of the country in the hands of a man who considers it a reasonable (taxpayer funded) expense to have his pool or moat (fucking hell!!!) cleaned. Usually, people with moats, have moats to keep people who can't swim moats out - not really people persons. I expect we'll see a sudden surge of politicians who have not abused the system being promoted to key positions soon, which I suppose isn't a bad thing.